The Look of Fear

eyes
Originally uploaded by ganners.

There are very few things that I am afraid of. I am pretty well the kind of girl that will take the bull by the horns. I have 1 primal fear. I mean seriously, I am terrified on needles. So scared I do not have blood drawn under any circumstance and there will be no shots of anything in my life unless it is tequila served neat.
What brought this on is one evil phlebotomist. She jabbed into a vein-it blew. She jabbed again-miss. Another time-blew and collapsed. I had finally had enough sticks and was ready to go. She thought she could get it the last time.....black blood spewed from my veins and I swear the needle made the sound nails make on a chalkboard on my bone. Bad experience. I have not been able to let it go.
Two years ago I had Lasik eye surgery. I went in to have the procedure done. I had always worn glasses as my vision was so off the charts bad I could not wear contacts. I had worn glasses since I was 6. This was when glasses were not cool. I hated them. When the laser eye surgeries became available I was not a candidate. My eyes were so bad they were deemed as a risk and not correctable. Two years ago it all changed. I went in to have it done. I left in tears. I was too scared to have it done. I was so excited, but defeated my my fears. You see, when the procedure is done the doctor makes a "flap" (cuts the top of your eye off), peels it back, lasers your cornea and places the flap back in place. YOU CAN SEE THE ENTIRE TIME. So you have you flap peeled back and you can smell the cornea burning from the laser and you are looking at this while it is happening to your very eye. Scary. Too scary for me. They gave me a Valium....no effect....second Valium and chewed up this time.....nothing, I was straight as an arrow. I could not get it done on the first try.
Let me introduce you to my little friend Xanax. Yeah, no problems and smooth sailing. Cut my eye up and laser it please. I had to wear soup strainers for a week but it was all good.

The bad news: My vision is so crappy that I will need to have a 2nd procedure on the left eye. It should get me to 20/25 which is pretty darn good since I was borderline blind in the left eye.
I will need more Xanax. Since my nice doctor packed up and moved I will have to explain this to my new HMO doctor I have never met. That should be interesting.
Today I had the first step in finding out my vision has stabilized and I am now ready to go again. So here is the horrid picture I took of my dilated self. I chose dinner tonight by which place can we eat that is the darkest.
I hope this is all over within the next two months.