Seriously?! Yes, seriously.

I work a ton. I take my job very seriously. If someone were suing me I would want to be sure it was being taken care of and nothing was missed and all defenses raised. Remember the Golden Rule? I guide myself by that idea.
Lately to maintain Golden Rule Standard (GRS) I have been putting in 60 - 70 hours a week. I do not get overtime pay. I do get a bonus, it is not tied to my hours. I love my job and it truly does interest me. I salivate before a good negotiation and feel victorious in settlement. I am Type A...whatever.
You know what I like even more than hard work being it's own reward?

VACATION!!

So we have a cruise booked for later this year and I am just about counting down the minutes. I have been to all of the islands before but I do not recall much of Puerto Rico, remember last time I was there I fell asleep on a park bench. Turks & Caicos all I remember was eating at Jimmy Buffet's place and falling asleep. It was a monsoon in St. Thomas last time I was there. The private island is still my favorite. So for hitting these four places in one fantastic week I am thrilled. The reason for my sleep goes back to my vertigo issues and taking the meclazine offered by the friendly front desk folks. Yeah, they fail to tell you that you will fall asleep on a park bench in Puerto Rico. Again, use the ginger root folks. Works better and as an added bonus you can stay awake!
The Fab Hub and I had been talking about seeing his parents for vacation for sometime. They live in Austin, TX so it is a to-do to see each other involving flights and such. So this year we are vacationing together. It is their first cruise and first big vacation in a long time. My in-laws are as cool as they come. It should be fun.
The Fab Hub goes to put the cruise on his work calendar and sees that his boss has the same week off with, "Caribbean Cruise" as the subject. The Fab Hub finds out if we are going to be on any of the same islands on the same day so we can meet up for a drink. No worries, the boss is on our cruise! Seriously.

Happy Birthday?!

Today was my Gramie's birthday. Because I work entirely too much the gift I had thoughtfully purchased never made it in the mail. I have no time to drive up to where she lives. Eh, I punted and sent a same day gift. Instead of flowers I went all out and got her one of the edible arrangements from Fruit Flowers.

Pretty nice, huh? I would be delighted to get this. The delivery fee was an additional $30. I cannot blame them, like I said, you have to pack a lunch to get there and it was last minute so I was at the Fruit Flowers' mercy. I did have a wonderful gift card I had purchased for this occasion at half price.
So I call Gramie after working 13 hours and not really feeling like it.
"Happy Birthday, Gramie!!"
"Oh, thank you Mandy. I got the interesting fruit thing you sent. It is really different."
"Does it look good? The picture I saw online looked great!"
"Yes, it was so big" *thinking: WAS* "It took over an hour to take apart and put in the fridge. I need to go, Kent just got here with Taco Bell dinner."
Are you friggin' kidding me?! Internet, the point at hand was not to send a $100 fruit bowl. Next year: Publix gift card.

Nuttin' But Strings was so robbed

Jerry Springer has become America's sweetheart in his role announcing soon to be has beens and sweet old tap dancing ladies. There was the young & sexy Elvis, the freaky twins from Russia, a whiny 3 year old that should have been booted long ago, the fire breather that could have been so much more, the opera singer, Sinatra and then there was Nuttin' But Strings. Amazing raw talent that was polished. Something that has not been done before in front of a large audience. Violins gone hip hop and rock and roll. Seriously. They were the only talent I would have paid to see. I would have laid down good money to see these guys in Vegas. America, you robbed them. Robbed. They should have won.

Atlanta Gas: There is None

Last Tuesday I needed gas in my car. I waited until later in the evening and checked gasbuddy.com and found that the QT near my house has some gas. I figured the good people of Marietta would be at home making lunches for kids and looking over homework or watching the latest reality TV show. I rolled up to the QT. I sat in line for an hour and a half. The line took me behind the building, through the next door Bojangles parking lot and then back all the way across the front of the QT. Unreal. It is finally my turn and I go to the pump as directed. Here comes this stupid white Hyundai with middle aged white man in it. He tried to steal my pump! Go wait in line! He got close enough in his swoop in that I could not get close enough to get the nozzle to my car. The gas diva directing me told the guy to move on. He did not and made a fuss. I may have been yelling like a crazy woman back at him. Then the Marietta police officer stepped in and threw the guy out of the gas station. Another crazy driver was yelling at the gas diva that people were breaking in line and had ideas of how to better direct the pandemonium. She yells back at the guy, "Sir, I work at a gas station---if you do not like the way I am doing this move on to another station!". I love her.
You see, truly here in the Metro Atlanta area we have not had any gas. It slowed due to the last 2 hurricanes. There is also the smog situation here so we use "Atlanta Blend" gas. Sorta like a fancy regional coffee. Our gas blend is lower in sulfur to help combat our growing smog problem. Our hill billy Governor has temporarily lifted the call for only low sulfur gas so we are using whatever we can get to get the stations back to normal levels to get the motorists back to normal levels.
I filled up my car. As in 2 seats and very little trunk. Yeah, I need to pick the fab hub up from the airport.....since he packed like a girl I cannot fit him and the large bag in the TT. Back to the gas station in the FJ. This time I waited until 12am on Friday night. Who the hell gets gas then? Yeah, everybody. I waited in a quarter mile line, if not longer, another hour and a half. No altercation this time. No kidding that more stations are closed than open. I am so thankful I have a six mile commute and the fab hub works from home so this mess will likely be over by the next time we need gas.

Gnarsty!

I was driving home yesterday and a man at a bus stop had a gallon of milk in his hand that was about one quarter full. He then lifted the gallon of milk to his mouth and took a big drink. I thought I was going to puke. It was 98 degrees yesterday. What the hell?? Yuck. My eyes still burn from seeing it. I know the jug had to be sweaty. Icky. I hope he did not stand there and drink a damn gallon of milk at the bus stop. Eek.
I have a serious milk aversion. I will not drink it. That man is beyond gross.

How Dark & Twisty?

I have always been a rather dark and twisty person. I took it to a whole new level Tuesday. I had my teeth cleaned. My dentist of 25 years retired so it was time to find a new dentist. I wanted someone who was cool, yet knowledgeable. Instead of asking people who they go to I set out kudzu.com. I like this website bunches. I get it when people are so pissed off they unleash online about how horrible a good or service is. When you see oodles of people raving about a dentist that is something special. So I selected my new kick ass dentist based on reviews.
I had a super cleaning with Amy. I wish she were not moving away when her hubby graduates PA school. She is great. Dr. Snyder gave a look over and went over my xrays. I have only had the occasional filling done. Nothing exciting. I found out my lower right canine tooth has a dead nerve. When you look at this on an xray you see a little black halo around the base. I have never had a cavity in the tooth, it does not hurt, no trauma or anything. Yeah, I need a root canal. WTF?! So whatever, I have an Emo tooth with a black halo. It gets fixed in August.....

Yee Haw Y'all

Wow! This is so special. About an hour from me something very Whiskey Tango occured. Words do not describe. Be sure to check out the slide show.


Whisky Tango: adjective. Also known as: W.T. or White Trash

Sweet Baby 8 Pound Jesus IT HURT!

I mind my own business and pretty much keep to myself at work. I was having my usual busy day when I took a bathroom break. I go into the lady's room. Shut the big wooden louvered door when BOOM I slam my right index finger in the stall door. I thought I was going to pass out and hit my head on the toilet it hurt so bad. My finger nail is dented. I am happy to report my nail has not fallen off.

'Tis the Season

While in downtown running around doing some shopping I went by the Tower Liquor store. Not what I would usually expect to see out front.....it was a Shriner collecting money outside the liquor store. Yay! Get your liquor and throw your change in the pot for an unfortunate child.

Save the Doors!

I have been saving this one for ya. This is an honest 100% true story. Really.
We had some visitors in earlier this summer. They brought their 3 year old child and half of her belongings in a Honda Odyssey mini van. Not just any Honda Odyssey, a fully loaded and apparently one of the owners feels it will actually go up in value. Who am I to know about a $40k mini van?
We went out to dinner one night. There were 7 of us and due to all the stuff still in said mini van we took two cars to dinner. This was while we were going through the total loss and we were still in the rental. The fab hub parked the rental in the first space. There was the curb and yard on one side of the rental and on the other side was a space. We started to walk into the restaurant when the occupants of the Odyssey yelled at the fab hub to move the rental and let them have the space we were in and get the rental on the other side of the mini van. The fab hub then walks back to the rental and moved it. Unbelievable. They advised that the rental does not matter and they need to protect the Odyssey doors. They even advised how their parents will assist in protecting the glorious Odyssey when they go out. I still cannot believe the fab hub moved the car to indulge this unreal behavior.
Yes, really.

Travelers asked me to dance

Travelers wants to fight me over the total loss value of the FJ.
Really? huh.....

O.C.G.A. § 33-4-7

Yeah, I sent a love letter today......

Defiling Easter

I love Easter. I love peeps, and hollow bunnies to eat the ears off then fill with water (don't ask me why, I just do), Easter grass stuck in places all over the house for months to come, and the only peanut butter I will eat: the Reece's Egg. I would kill for a good egg hunt but that has not happened for years......

The adult novelty shop Tantra has a sign that says, "Our rabbits and eggs take batteries". Must you mess with Easter? Now that is just nasty.....none of that in my basket. Easter is not a filthy holiday.....go have filthy at Christmas or Valentine's....not Easter. Nothing is sacred.

Tacky......Really Tacky......

The neighbor has "grown" more garden. There are hanging baskets with fake flowers running over and new crap in pots that will never need to be watered, just keep an eye on the sun bleaching. The back porch has never looked better with such a nice array of fake plants. Really, somebody needs to have a talk with her. I think an anonymous letter may be dropped in the mail. Horrid....horrid fake plants are multiplying. Not sure if they put out plastic pollen....

Eh, So it Was a Mistake

We have all made mistakes. Some small, some large. Some cost nothing, some cost millions, some cost lives. Some mistakes you can never take back no matter how hard you try. Some mistakes stay secret. Then there are our friends the Swiss. They really need to stick to punching holes in aged cheese. This is so damn funny to me. This is the only news I have seen since Anna Nicole died. I believe she is still dead and so dead they finally got her rotting body in the ground. If James Brown could only be so lucky........

Be Thankful

Last week I thought I was going to hurl when Wife Swap featured a family that lived on a raw diet including raw chicken meat, aged raw beef, raw eggs and other disgusting habits. The family brushed their teeth with a butter and clay mixture. All shades of nasty.
This week features a family that bottles and sells deer urine and buys all clothing at a second hand store.
Where do they find these people? Eek.

My Baby Daddy

So gold digging Anna Nicole Smith bought a piece of the harp farm this week. Scandal is everywhere: Did her old sugar daddy's family have her bumped off? Did she overdose on Trim Spa? Did she mix pills?
Anna had her interesting points: Playboy bunny, married and 89 year old tycoon who died less than a year later leaving her millions, TrimSpa, bad reality TV, Guess and other fabulous endeavors.
You know, it really is like Fear Factor when you marry an old dusty billionaire: If you can play the game and not puke you get to keep the money.
So Anna got to keep money after fighting it out in court with her step son that was over 20 years her senior. He is dead too.
So who gets the money that Anna got? Her baby daddy. But who is the baby daddy? 5 men have come forward so far claiming Anna's daughter. All these baby daddies and not enough babies. Anna got around. So who is the gold digging whore now? That's right, all the baby daddies want to lay stake to the prior sugar daddy's money. That is the million dollar baby.

She Swallowed a Spider to Catch the Fly......

I feel like I'll die....
It all started on Friday. I threw my vitamins in my coat pocket to take once I got to work and had something to drink. I remembered that I needed to take them as I was doing a few things at once and swiped them out of my pocket and threw them in my mouth. Down the hatch.
I was grabbing for my glass to have a wash down of water when, "Oh, CRAP! I just swallowed a screw!".
Yeah, a screw.
I have a Prada key chain that had lost a screw and I kept it in my pocket to put it back together. That would be the same pocket I threw the vitamins in. I tried to gag. It did not work. Nothing really painful resulted other than feeling like a ate a tortilla chip made out of glass and steel.
Tonight I was taking a hand full of pills and I got a reminder about Friday. It hurts. I hope the screw is gone....I have no conclusive evidence.

The Best Thing Since......

I really love Christmas. I love the surprises, movies, family, food, cookies, trees, songs and all that Christmas goodness. Best of all I love getting a pile of gifts. For you my dear readers, I offer my Christmas review:

This hair dryer makes me have the best hair ever! Better than a Chi and made in Italy like all good things. Big thanks to Kitt (#1 hair stylist at Van Michael Salon) for helping the fab hub get this for me from the in laws.

Again, all good things come from Italy. If you have not had one of these little pieces of heaven get your ass up and go get some. They have sweet little love notes in them.

I love Justin. I don't care what you say. The fab hub hooked this up. Yummy!

I requested a certain popcorn tin for the tin this year. I got this huge tin with Santa on it. I WANTED THE FLAMINGO TIN. Do people really eat this crap? I will feed it to the office. I will try again next year . I don't want the popcorn.....just the tin. Who needs popcorn when I have hoarded so many cookies?

So I am not a fan of the French, flappy headed, frogs. I do, however, love some champagne. This is the only french contribution I will acknowledge. I believe it is pronounced, "Verve poo poo".

This is almost perfect. See, I am married to a geek. He knows every spec or will fully educate himself on every spec of anything that is quasi electronic. I wanted the Sony. We will exchange.
A self help book and a coffee mug for the fab hub and myself. We can drink coffee and learn the language of love.....um, thanks for thinking of us. Hermph....I needed a coffee mug. I was fresh out of them.....

Now who does not love a time traveling midget? I am too exhausted to expound on this. This is a train wreck that is actually my mother's white elephant gift. She was too tipsy to remember to steal the lottery tickets and ended up with midgets, time traveling midgets.

This is a sample of the Christmas goodness. I am not sharing my cookies. I probably have 5 dozen or so more to fatten myself with.

I am that driver

On a recent trip to Costco I was driving. I was behind an old car that was moving at a turtle's pace. So slow it missed going through two green lights. After we sat through one full cycle on the second green light cycle I honked. I honked some more and he started going 5mph and then slowed for the yellow light. The traffic behind me was honking. People beside us were honking. Everyone was honking. Then I noticed it: my beefy horn had turned to a meep-meep. I wore my horn out. The car does not even have 50k on it. I guess sometime you just have to let people know and that is how I do.

Breathing Better

Quiet frankly Rumsfeld scares me. Scares me too much. When he (finally) announced he was packing up I must admit I smiled so much my toes curled. As a bonus the Democrates will be in place to keep our president in line. Enough to let the checks and balances system take place like we all learned in 5th grade. All this around Veteran's day. Thank a Vet for giving us the freedom to vote idots in and idots out. Atleast thank a Vet for the sales going on this weekend. And for your viewing pleasure here are highlights from Rumsy's career.....